Welcome to my Life!

I know that everytime I talk to you I am adding the hurt inside of me.  There are a lot of things that I wanted to do with you.  I wanted to be with you…How much I’ve wanted to spend this long Holiday weekend with none other than you.  But I can’t! 

The thoughts of you have been killing me.  I know you are with somebody these past few days and you will be spending your time with I don’t know who until the Holiday is over.  I bade you goodbye, wished you to enjoy your vacation, though deep inside I am hurting.  Hurting because I know I can’t be with you and I won’t be able to at least check on you.  I don’t have the right, I am just a friend!  Moreso, you wouldn’t care about my feelings.

Oh God!  I miss you terribly!  I hope the Holiday is over so that my life will be back to normal…

I have been into a relationship for eight years with a man whom I thought I’ll marry someday as everybody has expected it.  But things did not turned out to be what we both have planned….

 We used to talk about marriage then and I must admit that it was the one thing I am waiting for to materialize after that eight long years of being in the relationship.  He is not a dream guy.  Worst, he is super “bolero” that he can make a girl fall for him easily.  Most of our issues are because of “other girls” which has also caused our relationship to end.

 Before, I could tolerate his, uhm, “playfulness” with other women but it has reached its limits when he got a girl pregnant.  For which I could not just pretend that things aren’t happening since there’s a living proof!  Much more I could not let myself suffer by allowing him reconcile with me and see the fruit of his infidelity grow.  I also don’t want to deprive an innocent child a chance to be with his biological parents.  So, I let go…

Someone told me that I should believe in some sort of magic when it comes to relationships.  For it will determine whether people are meant to be.  I was once asked if I have felt that magic with my ex-boyfriend and I asked in return what is magic?  Then, I was told that I haven’t really felt it because I asked what it is.  Maybe yes, maybe no, I really don’t know then…

Now, with Rayver I’ve another question in mind about magic.  For there is something that I felt when I saw him and something that I continually feel when he’s around.  Could this be the magic that they keep on telling me?  Would it be possible that I am the only one feeling it?  How unfair it is that it seems to be a one-sided feeling…

 Nah, maybe just an infatuation…O-oh! infatuation has the same meaning as LOVE!