Deadline
It’s getting near! The question is if I can really do it? Can I keep my promise? A promise I kept to myself…that I will start letting go of something that has bothered me for more than a year now.
Why have I waited this long? Uhm, maybe I am afraid of losing you…Maybe I am blinded by the joy of having you around even if I know it wouldn’t last this way. I maybe in denial that I couldn’t have you, could not keep you for a fact. I’m so afraid of losing something which I never had…
Well, I guess it’s about time to get a little selfish and think about what is good for me, what is right, not just what makes me happy… Getting you out of my system will not make me happy but I know that is the right thing to do. I’ll try not to find a reason to see you for I must admit that I sometimes do things purposely just to be with you. I will not think of you when I wake up each morning and before I fell asleep at night. I will not bother to know if you’re okay or in good condition. Eventually, all these things will help me move on…I hope so… I never wanted to burn the bridge between you and me; I just needed sometime not to be in touch with you to help myself forget the love I’ve had for you.
It was love, indeed. All the things that I have done are because of that love but you never bothered to ask. You never cared to ask why I’ve been doing all those things for you… You never confronted me or perhaps you already know and just using it to your advantage. I couldn’t blame you if you are, it’s my fault if I am getting abused because I am allowing things to be that way.
I will miss your eyes that get so round when engrossed with the stories that you are telling me. I will miss your sighs whenever you feel sad of the things that are not going well with your plans… I will miss your reactions whenever I have provocative YM handles. I will miss your sheepish smiles when you have something naughty in mind. I will miss your tummy which I fervently criticize… I will miss your shoulders where I honestly have always wanted to rest my head whenever we’re together. I will miss everything about you…
Hayyyyyyyyyyyy…I still have a month and I couldn’t even make the most out of it because of my tight calendar. Opppps! I should rather say, I couldn’t make the most out of it because you are not mine. SANA SA AKIN KA NA LANG…
